oh my god that ending??? “i just wanted you to kiss me” THIS IS SO REAL??? the male gaze is toxic and gets to us all at some point or another!! also your note at the end about this being a safe space…you are so sweet😭i actually wrote a whole essay about this and published it for all of one hour before i took it down because i felt too vulnerable…maybe i should reupload lol
Boys are told that we’re just here to please them and we all end up believing it. And I’m so tired of that! That’s why I knew I had to post this. Honestly, I was scared too, especially because a woman talking about her hymen is something a lot of people aren’t ready for hahaha.
But I don’t regret it, I feel at peace with myself for putting it out there. That said, I didn’t get the traction or love I’m usually used to, and it made me a little sad.
So I’d say: do it if you feel like it’s something you need to do, but you don’t have to put yourself out there if you don’t want to. (But if you do, I’d be right there cheering you on 💗)
Thanks for bringing this up. I wish more women could say "No" when they don't feel comfortable. Even if it's right before the act begins. It's completely normal. I wish more men would understand and respect that "No" as well.
I dream of a world where we don’t feel like we owe it to anyone, and where men don’t assume that’s the purpose of our existence. That’s why I felt I had to write it, it shouldn’t be so strange for a woman to set boundaries and say no. Maybe one day we’ll get there. Thank you so much for reading it Ana💘💘💘
"I didn't actually want him. It was just something I was supposed to do."
The honesty in this is brutal and necessary.
The TV show moment — where the protagonist just says "I don't want to" and leaves — as a revelation that women can do that. That contrast is heartbreaking. It shows how normalized the opposite has become.
"There's a huge gap between wanting. And wanting to be wanted."
That distinction is everything. So many people (not just women) spend their lives optimizing for being wanted instead of figuring out what they actually want.
The seesaw metaphor carries through the whole piece perfectly — that childhood accident setting a pattern that took years to recognize and longer to change.
"I know I'm not that girl yet. But for the first time, I'm not kneeling, I'm learning to stand."
That's the real story. Not the transformation itself, but the moment you realize transformation is possible.
Wow, thank you so much for this thorough analysis. You really captured the heart of what I was trying to say, the difference between wanting and being wanted, and the messy, slow way we learn to stand for ourselves. It means a lot to hear it resonated 💗💗💗
I adore how you told this — like watching someone slowly remember their own superpower. That moment of stepping back and saying “no actually, I just liked the attention” made me grin because… haven’t we all been there in some version? The whole arc feels like you’re gently rewriting the rules of your life one honest breath at a time. It’s bold, a little mischievous, and so wonderfully you.
oh my god that ending??? “i just wanted you to kiss me” THIS IS SO REAL??? the male gaze is toxic and gets to us all at some point or another!! also your note at the end about this being a safe space…you are so sweet😭i actually wrote a whole essay about this and published it for all of one hour before i took it down because i felt too vulnerable…maybe i should reupload lol
Boys are told that we’re just here to please them and we all end up believing it. And I’m so tired of that! That’s why I knew I had to post this. Honestly, I was scared too, especially because a woman talking about her hymen is something a lot of people aren’t ready for hahaha.
But I don’t regret it, I feel at peace with myself for putting it out there. That said, I didn’t get the traction or love I’m usually used to, and it made me a little sad.
So I’d say: do it if you feel like it’s something you need to do, but you don’t have to put yourself out there if you don’t want to. (But if you do, I’d be right there cheering you on 💗)
“But today, I’ve realized something.
There’s a huge gap between wanting.
And wanting to be wanted.”
really really beautiful read, just thank you for writing this.
Aaaw thank you for reading it and for your kind words 💗💗💗
Thanks for bringing this up. I wish more women could say "No" when they don't feel comfortable. Even if it's right before the act begins. It's completely normal. I wish more men would understand and respect that "No" as well.
I dream of a world where we don’t feel like we owe it to anyone, and where men don’t assume that’s the purpose of our existence. That’s why I felt I had to write it, it shouldn’t be so strange for a woman to set boundaries and say no. Maybe one day we’ll get there. Thank you so much for reading it Ana💘💘💘
I saw myself in your words and I think a lot of women will too. This is important, so thank you for articulating this feeling so clearly
Thank you so much!!!! It wasn’t easy to write and share this, but knowing this makes it worth it 💘
Hello, so happy to connect with you 🤍 I just subscribed to your content, and I hope you feel like subscribing to mine too 💌 xx
Hii!!! Thanks for subscribing, I hope you like it here 🫶🏼🫶🏼 send me something of yours and I would read it ☺️☺️
Thank you, appreciated 🤍 let’s stay in touch. xx
"I didn't actually want him. It was just something I was supposed to do."
The honesty in this is brutal and necessary.
The TV show moment — where the protagonist just says "I don't want to" and leaves — as a revelation that women can do that. That contrast is heartbreaking. It shows how normalized the opposite has become.
"There's a huge gap between wanting. And wanting to be wanted."
That distinction is everything. So many people (not just women) spend their lives optimizing for being wanted instead of figuring out what they actually want.
The seesaw metaphor carries through the whole piece perfectly — that childhood accident setting a pattern that took years to recognize and longer to change.
"I know I'm not that girl yet. But for the first time, I'm not kneeling, I'm learning to stand."
That's the real story. Not the transformation itself, but the moment you realize transformation is possible.
Thank you for writing this. It needed to be said.
Wow, thank you so much for this thorough analysis. You really captured the heart of what I was trying to say, the difference between wanting and being wanted, and the messy, slow way we learn to stand for ourselves. It means a lot to hear it resonated 💗💗💗
This really means a lot, thank you. The "wanting vs being wanted" thing hits different when you actually sit with it. Glad it resonated 💙
This was a good read. Thank you. 🎯💯
Thank you for reading it 💗💗💗
I adore how you told this — like watching someone slowly remember their own superpower. That moment of stepping back and saying “no actually, I just liked the attention” made me grin because… haven’t we all been there in some version? The whole arc feels like you’re gently rewriting the rules of your life one honest breath at a time. It’s bold, a little mischievous, and so wonderfully you.
Hahaha thank you! I’m just trying my best ☺️✌🏼 Your words honestly made me smile, it feels so good to be seen like that 💛